Soccer mom??????

Is it true, AM I A SOCCER MOM?
Anyone who really knows me knows my idea of mammahood is keepin my babes close to home....sitting on the couch reading and playing in the yard like we did as kids....... You know kick the can, yard baseball, riding bikes. The good old days. Before we HAD to sign our kids up for EVERYTHING !
I have been known to talk about "others" who have had their kids signed up for dance at two. (Jen You know I'm talking about you......Smile ,hug, read on...)
Why o why would you have to put your child in organized activities when life in the yard has so much to offer?
Why would you want to take time to leave home to drive , drive, , drive????
Because your kids like it? Everyone's doing it? Society? It makes YOU feel good.

O.k Still not sure......Life caught up with me tonight.Brian and I miscommunicated. I though he said he was taking Abbie to her soccer game( he golfs on Tuesday.((denial on my part)) I really thought he was passing it up for her practice).In my mind he would take ALL of the kids to her soccer practice except Ethan (HUH ?) who I would take to his 3rd grade music concert. I figured I would actually make a real dinner for a change (again HUH? I mean why bother it takes so much time and they are SO SO happy with strawberries and oatmeal!!!) So I have dinner on the table and kids ready for the FREEZING windy spring night at soccer. I am out of my sweats and cleaned up(trying to come across as if I have worn a nice outfit all day!) for Ethan's concert.
Where is Brian????? Call. Call, Call.........Hmmmmm call Mark?
Call Jenni, One sip in her Star bucks and the middle of the girls dance class and she calls back- Mark is with Brian at Golf...OH ya. Golf night. HUH!!!!!!!

Looking at my dinner, Nolan sleeping on the couch, Zach whining,(long day at school, no nap) Abbie complaining because I have her dressed like a Eskimo for soccer practice......
Remember that old commercial? CALGON TAKE ME AWAY>>>>>>

That was me.....GOOD OLD DAYS TAKE ME AWAY>>>>.

SO we sat on the couch and read books, we talked, watched American Idol TOGETHER and did NOTHING. Yes It is true I let Abbie skip soccer for no reason, I even let Ethan skip his one and only 3rd grade music concert at school........Guilt yes......until Nolan said-Mom I like nights like this......................................................................................................................
Yes, Nolan mommy LOVES nights like this.

Soccer mom?
Working on it......It's much harder than I thought.......


Tonight Abbie asked why I MADE her miss her favorite night......soccer night......HUH??????????

I guess I'm not there yet..........

Time to Fly......

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad. C. S. Lewis


It must be the season of Change.......
All around me things are getting better. Always on Sunday, after an amazing morning of praise and worship I feel refreshed and renewed. Such a glorious joy to be set free of all that i let hang heavy in my heart during the week.
Our church has been asking a bit more from us these last few weeks......I find sometimes when people ask for things at church I start to panic a bit- No matter what is asked for the most part anyway, i don't think i have it to offer. We are gone so much at the cottage that I can't really help out in childcare......Praying, Oh sure I can do that for specific things....but running up there for an extra prayer session. UH no...too busy running the kids around. How about coming in early to set up ? Hmmmm, Can't seem to make it on time with all of my kids, husband, and everyone in matching shoes! So no.
It has been great! Brian and I have been so cozy in our little nest of a church. Nice little eggs....

Now the interesting thing here is that I get so MANY people asking us about our adoptions. I find lately that i am getting increasingly irritated by those people! Yes I mean it! EVERYBODY and their brother has thought about adopting......Maybe even wants to do it someday. Maybe when they have more time, more money. Maybe when life slows down. Unfortunately it's a bit uncomfortable agreeing to give up more of ones self for another. It does take time, patience and money. EVERYONE has good intentions. Nice little eggs.

It really hit me this afternoon as I was proofing pictures. It's not the questions at church that make me feel uncomfortable........It's the shell around me.

This is the song I was listening to this afternoon. Written by Steven Curtis Chapman a Christian singer and adoptive dad with beautiful girls from China.

Today I watched in silence as people passed me by, And I strained to see if there was something hidden in their eyes; But they all looked at me as if to say Life just goes on. The old familiar story told in different ways, Make the most of your own journey from the cradle to the grave; Dream your dreams tomorrow because today Life must go on. [CHORUS] But theres more to this life than living and dying, More than just trying to make it through the day; More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see, And theres more than this life alone can be. Tonight he lies in silence staring into space, And looks for ways to make tomorrow better than today, But in the morning light it looks the same; Life just goes on. He takes care of his family, he takes care of his work, And every Sunday morning he takes his place at the church; And somehow he still feels a need to search, But life just goes on. [CHORUS] So where do we start to find every part Of what makes this life complete; If we turn our eyes to Jesus well find Lifes true beginning is there at the cross where He died. He died to bring us . . . [CHORUS]

Soon we will leave for China. We will be adding to our Chaos....
We are still waiting on our travel approval. We have all of our tentative travel plans. We just need the TA and time to actually book the flights!

I am overwhelmed with the Grace God has given us to carry this journey to this point. Thankful we had two beautiful foster children living with us last year at this time. Not easy......But it made us realize how much we have to give. God pushed us and showed us how strong we are as family. How ready we were to get "out of our shell" .
Just as he is pushing us to crack our shell again and join our church in it's amazing journey to grow as a church family. I pray all of the people who's path i cross asking me about adoption will "crack their shell" and journey into the unknown. Risking all to have so much more.

Giving should be defined: getting..........

Praising God today for our journey, those who we have been so blessed by while traveling, and those we are about to meet.

Words to hold us over-

Another Zhu Hai Mom is traveling to get her smiling 13 year old daughter from the orphanage right now. Some of you may know who I am talking about. Lee (my MIL)and I met Tracy while we were in Florida last month. Tracy and the other parents on my Zhu Hai message board have been such a huge support to Brian and I while we wait. I have been blessed with such a great Zhu Hai Family. I do not doubt that we will not know these families for ever and keep in touch not just for our girls sake but truly because they are such a wonderful group of people. With each of our adoptions we have found true people who carry so much in their hearts-

Tracy in particular has been a huge support. She is so full of life and always so positive.She calls to check and see how we are and "IF" we have heard from China. All of this leads to an e-mail I received from her today- You see, While We were sleeping away last night she was hugging my Sweet Audrey Hai Ping!

She was able to take pictures of the girls but they memory card was erased by accident later that morning while having someone download some pictures. She feels so bad.......

TRACY- No worries- You know the words you sent mean so much more!!!!!!

So hear is the message she sent me this morning!!!!

First, the orphanage visit was AWESOME! Your daughter is SO BEAUTIFUL AND YOU ARE SO LUCKY!
She was not to shy with me...probably because Hai Shun was so happy with me at the orphanage and she was bragging about mama! I hugged Audrey for you and told her through the translator that the time delay was not her mama's fault. I told her you would be here in just a few weeks. She had a smile from ear to ear!!! I mean EAR TO EAR! She kept looking at me with the most adorable smile! I told her you were the same size as Mrs. Zhong and her brothers and sister were so happy to have her join the family. I mean it from the bottom of my heart...YOU ARE TRULY BLESSED TO BE THE MOTHER OF AUDREY! Sweet beyond words. Ticklish too! She lit up my day!!

and more taken from the post on our message boards-

Steph,I already emailed you separate about the pictures and Hai Ping, but I have to tell the group just how amazing your daughter is. Yes, she tried to pull the sweet, shy kid story, but I tickled and laughed and boy did she come out of her shell. I am really sad about the pictures here because her personality showed in every one of them. She knows how much she is loved and I hugged her from mama...and she was told everything about her brothers and sisters, most of which she already knew. Steph, they prepare the older kids well because the older ones understand.. .she is ready and you arre SO LUCKY TO BECOME AUDREY'S MOM! All of us are blessed!

more from another e-mail sent this evening from Tracy

Audrey is thin...but I think taller than the other ten year olds. Maybe 4"6'...and a sizt 8 slim should fit, but by a couple 7's just in case. She didn't speak English to me but she probably knows basics and the alphabet. She smiled when I told her she had a nice mommy and that we were friends. Her hair was a little in her face, but she is SO beautiful. Steph, I am not kidding...her pictures do not do her justice she is so amazingly georgous! The girls went to Mrs. Zhong just for fun and because she kneew they are leaving soon.
I told Audrey that she will met mommy about the same time Teddi meets her mommy and she smailed. What a smile on her. She did ask if the whole family was coming, and I said that I think mommy and daddy only, but I wasn't sure. Mrs. Zhong asked how old the other kids were, and where Audrey fits in. The oldest right? That is what I said. She would have been a little shy like Sue said, but I think she likes Hai Shun, so she came right in and I asked if I could give her a hug from mommy, so she let me. She has a great disposition. I can't explain to you the cute little looks she was giving me while the kids were playing and talking. It was as if she wanted to me see her staring to tell you she is thinking about you. I asked if she was ready for mommy and daddy and she said yes! You will be so happy with her. I cannot wait to talk to you too!
With love from China!

I am overwhelmed with emotion today at the thought of meeting our girl...........

I can not say how wonderful this process is -

How Blessed I am by adoption.......Blessed to be Audrey Hai Pings Mom

LOA is on it's Way!

Yesterday brought Johnson life way up and way down. We finally received our long awaited Letter of Approval from China! This is the pretty little paper that we sign saying yes we do indeed want Audrey............Seems silly to me- We have been saying YES in one way or another for almost a year now. I would prove how much I want her if they would just let me GET ON THE PLANE!!!!!

The downer - we put our sweet Teddy Bear to sleep yesterday.......If you have ever had to put your beloved pet to sleep you will know the sadness that our family went through yesterday. Nolan, Brian and I took it the hardest. Nolan our animal whisperer.......He hurts for his animals, he just loves them so. Even Abbie who is afraid of every other dog broke down and cried for Teddy. Nolan wondered if there is a separate dog heaven or if he would be in our heaven.

After dealing with that part of our day I was able to end on a good note- A fellow Zhu Hai mama (Tracy) is in Guangzhou getting her Kate! She was able to get more pictures of Audrey and we found out Kate and Audrey spent the weekend with Mrs.Zhong the orphanage director. This must be a tough time for Mrs.Zhong . She has cared and loved these girls since they were babies....Now she lets them go to have families. I am forever grateful for everything this huge hearted women had done.

We are hoping to travel in early May. Based on the time frame of others who traveled ahead of us it's possible. Now we wait for our LOA to get to China and then they send TA (Travel Approval) Once our agency has this THEN they get our consulate appointment. THEN we can book our flights. We will have everything set up and ready to book when we get the consulate appointment. So now the real count down begins......

I am adding a few pictures of Nolan and Brian- Brian and his friend Ed are coaching Nolan's flag football team. Nolan's highlights are the huddle and his buddy Maverick!

Spring sports have started and things are getting busy. Ethan is in baseball. Nolan is in football - Zach and Abbie, soccer. Soccer has not started yet. Thank goodness, I am trying to figure out how we are going to get everyone where they need to go???????? HUH! What was I thinking?????

More later-